I have lied to myself all these while thinking I forgave the gentleman who did me wrong. Until I had another unfair action coming from him and everything resurfaced. That which I thought I had forgiven him for lumped together with the current got me furious and freaking out.
Some mornings saw me very sad as evenings saw me bitter. That’s because I was having some regrets which I would always apportion to a parent’s failure to perform certain responsibilities in my life. And so, I think that if he or she had done what was supposed to be done, I will never had gone through what I went through. Atimes too, I become bitter when I feel some siblings are loved more than I’m loved. And so I sometimes become unforgiving towards that parent.
I gave my all for a friend. I am always willing to sacrifice my last for him or her. I could even go hungry to watch that person get satisfied. I will always want to make that person feel okay even when I am sad. I wish that person quickly regain fitness when not well. But on the contrary, this is not reciprocated and so I get hurt. And I hold it against that person. I couldn’t let go and so I decided to create a gap.
I assume that when my friend needs help, I will be the first point of contact. But I realized help is being looked for elsewhere for a reason I can’t figure out. I get angry within and suppress it and tell myself that I won’t regard the friendship again.
At the workplace, a colleague spoke rudely to me or went against me. The next day on, I smiled to him or her and was so nice thinking I have let go but suddenly, I wish that person never got out of a trouble he or she got into. Or I was happy to see that person in that trouble. Am I just a sadist or its unforgiveness.
These and other scenarios we have one way or the other found ourselves in.
These are vivid situations involving unforgiveness and bitterness. But you know what? Unforgiveness even though a result of been hurt by another person who doesn’t for a second even think has hurt you is destructive and suicidal. For now, ponder over what looks like an unforgiving situation in your life. Next, we will dissect what it does to us. In other words, its effect on us.